the number of lines on my hands is directly proportionate to the number of directions my life could take.

I'm listening to Spoon. At work. Drinking pretty gross tea. It's pomegranate green tea, whose flavor perhaps does not lend itself to deliciousness when served cold or lukewarm. I need a spoon to eat yogurt.

It will cost $300 to repair the brakes I'm driving to Chicago on. It's the rear brakes, don't worry.

Theresa gave me really awesome art paper. Perhaps I will paint my resume on it with watercolor paints.

I think I'll miss Kalamazoo when I go. nay, I know. I like the option of walking places. Woodward Avenue Brewery, meet your newest regular.

I still don't have a job lined up.

My dreams are haunted with open roads. Alton, Memphis, Philadelphia, DC, Truth or Consequences, Yuma, Joshua Tree.

I STILL don't have a job lined up.

The amount of patience I have for the people who come in to work is directly proportionate to the amount of time I have in Kalamazoo.I'm reluctant to leave.

I don't think I'm as fat as I was. Smoking: the one thing I can do right.

Apologies for the personal pronoun abuse.

this modern love

I love the way my bed smells. It smells like Matt and dryer sheets. If I could capture that smell in a bottle, it would be great. I could just spray it whenever I miss him. It's kind of a catch 22 though, because while I could just conjure a facsimile of his presence almost instantly, it would still occur to me that he's not there and I'm just pretending.

For the first time in a long time, (long time = ~4ish weeks) I feel okay. I'm not worried/anxious or stressed. I'm mellow for non-chemical reasons. Business plan's not bugging me, I'm not worried about being fat any more than normal now, and Matt has made it apparent that I'm not going to be alone for awhile.

In the words of The Eels, everything's going to be cool this Christmas.

Ask me if I started packing for an early May moveout.

There is hummus in my fridge. It whispers to me from across town.

Let's look for jobs today.

Now playing: "Fa-Fa-Fa" - Datarock

the tension and the spark.

More secrets:

I am not mad about the snow. On the contrary, it's actually gorgeous. I wish I had time to take pictures this morning, it really is soooooo pretty. Besides, it is not that cold out, which kind of adds to the not minding ~2-3 inches of actual cold, wet snow in April.

Michigan weather: the meteorological April fool's joke.

This morning seems even more appropriate for soup and trip hop than friday afternoon. I needed a lot of things on friday.

Freakout update: no longer ticked about the AWOL boyfriend, and have officially moved on to the future. In about 5 weeks, I will be staring down the barrel of a six-month old relationship. Excuse me while I don't know what the fuck to do with that. brb.

That is why God gave me Tricky.

A conversation with my mom yesterday (via phone):

mom: did you go to church today?
me: no
mom: did you think about it?
me: yeah.

I'm leaving out the parts after because its funnier this way.

I bought a lot of groceries yesterday. I'm so stoked.

There is still pasta salad that needs making.

when I think of heaven, deliver me in a black winged bird

I get anxious, and I abuse whatever I can get my hands on.

Abuses in the last seven days (in no particular order):

1. Coffee (panera. hazelnut.)
2. Cigarettes (cloves. 2-3 a day.)
3. Hydroxyzine (possibly the only word I will ever get to type with xyz in it. For those who don't know, its my prescription for that itchy skin thing I had. Its primarily given as an antihistamine, but it is also used to treat mild anxiety. It helps on two fronts: a) I feel like everything is gonna be cool this Christmas, and b) it keeps the post nasal drip at bay, which has come back with a rampant vengeance ever since I decided smoking is cool again )
4. the internet (I wholeheartedly throw myself into the not for profit industry of nerdlicious distraction.)
5. my friends ( I feel I talk about myself and my problems way too much)
6. my job (I am no longer little miss nice tutor. I am just this side of "who pissed in her cheerios?" bitchy when I work)
7. the music of Fall Out Boy (I've been feeling just that bummed and self-indulgent lately.)

Have not heard from Matt since Sunday.

me < thrilled. I think this may be the beginning of our first fight. I wouldn't be so upset if we lived in the same state, or even the same time zone. We don't, therefore keeping in touch is important. I am pretty sure I'm not talking to him at the moment, which is pretty fucking childish, but that's the only way I can articulate things right now. It's really hard to do though.

Jesus, my communication skills suck.

I'm thinking of getting a tumblr account. I'd take more pictures then.

Super happy funtime now!

1.

2. I'm turning into a type nerd. Maybe I should have pursued graphic design or visual communications.

3. six words about a song, yo

4. scrabble, son