In Which I Resume The Inbox/Telephone Staredown

I was supposed to know what was going on re: the ten months last week. I'm entering this week knowing exactly what I did last week. Well, I know a little more than I did last week. Now I know that I'm going to know when I'm going to know today. (That makes perfect sense, trust me.) I emailed the coordinator and she explained that there were some sceduling conflicts that were hindering everything from operating exactly on time. She said she's going to email everyone with more information today. The longer this drags out, the more anxious I get. I just want to know so I can make plans accordingly. If I don't get this, of course I'll be brutally devastated (to put it very mildly), but I'll get over it eventually. I wonder how big the candidate pool is. I just have to remember, everything is 50/50. It's going to happen, or it's not going to happen, there are no "chances".

Refresh, rinse, repeat.

I'm slightly socially retarded. I told Matt that I'd come visit him the weekend of the 25, but that's the weekend of Jill's graduation. Oops. I don't think I'd be invited to the ceremony, but I'm sure that I'd probably be invited to the family lunch after (like when I was graduating). I'm not sure what the proper thing to do is. Also lingering is the fact that I got invited to a birthday party that friday. The guest of honor is one of my oldest friends (over a decade). I'm not that worried about that, though. If I don't go to Chicago, I'd run home for this party friday and run back here saturday morning, hangover and all. What the hell is the socially acceptable thing to do? The logical solution would be to just see Matt the weekend before or after. The weekend before would be no good, that's father's day and of course he'll be with his family and shit. I'm selfish, I want to have as much "us time" as possible. I'll also be reminded of how I did not get pregnant in the last 28 days. Two strikes right there. The weekend after would be doable I guess, but in addition to being selfish, I am also immature. I want what I want when I want it. I could wait, but it will have been a full month since I've seen him. Damn, damn, damn.

No matter what, something will be decided for me.

I'm also offended that I've become one of those people with a planner. I like having one, which offends me even more.

The more I think about it, the more enamored I become with the notion of a pink ssapphire engagement ring. Not that I think about these things. Shh, don't tell.

I'm pretty sure my life is filmed in front of a live studio audience. That's no laugh track, that's everyone around me being amused.

I'm not sure I have a problem with this.