Wednesday, June 02, 2010

In Which My Anxiety Goes Into Overtime

"We have received your application for our fall internship. All applicants will be notified of our decision by June 1.

Thank you-

This American Life"

This is what the automatic email said that was sent on April 30, according to my email inbox.

Has June 1 not come and gone? Is it not the day after the first? I am also trying to respect their request that I follow the directions of:

"PLEASE DO NOT CONTACT THE TAL WEBSITE OR OUR OFFICES CONCERNING YOUR APPLICATION. We will automatically notify you of receipt and follow-up calls will be made to finalists in a timely fashion. All applicants will be notified of our decision by the dates listed above."


All appicants. All. Applicants. To me that means even the delusional semi alcoholic bitchfaces that tried really really hard on their application get a phone call or an email or something thanking them for their time and shit (apologies, I'm a touch hungover from the forgetting binge that I tried to make happen).

I've heard nothing and I keep feeling this strange mixture of hope and disappointment. Am I in? Am I not in? Are they notifying us by snail mail secretly? (extremely unlikely, but in in the face of no evidence to te contrary, all I have are possibilities.) Or will they just come for me in the night and take me with no warning? (I cannot begin to tell you how okay I would be with that latter option.)

I hate knowing hope is all I have. I hate being on someone else's timetable, at someonne else's mercy...but we already discussed this.

This even affects my music choices. I don't know whether to be Kanye cocky or Bright Eyes brooding. This is an epic amount of suck.

So as I wait, it's smoke, refresh, repeat.

This is worse than a late period. I only wish I could pee on a stick and a little piece of plastic would tell me if I suck at life or not.

Maybe some Doritos and Frasier would calm my nerves.

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