(514): in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview

I have one thing to say: you better WORK.

Ok that's a lie. I have more things to say than that.

Work is busy (thanks Obama!), and I can't wait until 3 pm friday. But for once the week is flying by, and very soon I will get to be with Matt. We can have alone time without secretly flipping the fuck out. That, and I haven't gotten any in a really long time. like at least a month.

The lab has become a landscape of mumblers. Mostly this woman I want to choke all the time. She is just so abrasive and makes me want to stress eat. She says she needs help, but really, she just lies someone there watching her. I knew I should have dumped her on the math lab, but noooooooooo, I felt like there was some sort of karmic debt to pay. That's my penance for the day, right?

Its cold. I should find socks.

tales of disaster and nicotine notes

I promised the story of what the fuck went on this weekend. If the Kenny thing was the icing on the weird week cake, this saturday was the topper.

Saturday morning starts out innocuous enough: wake up, pack, load, coffee, drive. Drive, drive, drive to Matt's parents' house. Upon my departure from the house I realize: I LEFT MY FUCKING DRESS IN KALAMAFUCKINGZOO. All other options are in Kalamazoo as well. shoes are in the car, tights are in my bag, dress is trapped in the motherfucking closet ( closet....)So I go get my hair done and then, with about 5 hours to go until the wedding, commence the arduous task of dress shopping. Target had one possibility but it wasn't, you know, IT. TJ Maxx, nada. Dress Barn, nada and a half. Touch base with Matt, who still needs to pick up a present, so I head back over to his parents house because he'll probably have to go to the mall too. The couple was registered at three places: Crate and Barrel, Pottery Barn, and Williams and Sonoma. Closest C&B is at fucking Somerset, which is pretty much the antithesis of where we need to be. We know for sure that PB and W&S are at Briarwood (the humungo Ann Arbor mall) so its decided that out best bet is to head there. While Matt gets the present, I proceed to hit approximately 347,956 stores in hopes of finding an outfit. No such luck. After much deliberation, I end up dropping 50 dollars on a top and skirt from The Limited. Less than an hour to go, we get our shit and leave. Upon exiting the parking lot, we notice that the world beyond the mall is a traffic jammy place. ITS FUCKING GAME DAY, and our route takes us right past ground zero, so there are cars everywhere. After much swearing, smoking, and a few wrong turns, we enter the wedding hall, sweaty, swearing, and speeding. I'm over the fact that I'm barefoot in a semi public restroom, and I am over handicap stall guilt. I needed the space. We make it with just minutes to spare.

Anyone who knows me knows what kind of stress I am capable of putting myself under in these situations.

But then we danced, we drank, we laughed, something wonderful happened, and then we left.

get your mind out of the gutter, I was still getting rid of 28 days worth of unused baby.

but let's just say I'm still the marrying kind.

thirty minutes away from drugs and real food.

1. On behalf of hearing some good news from a dear friend, SQUEE.

2. I just creeped Chuck Klosterman on facebook (because we're friends), and saw pictures from his wedding. I was full of mixed emotions that come out like a waldorf salad. Its mostly happy with a bit of cool, with just a touch of envy, for flavor. The bride's dress was cool, non traditional, very thirties, and it was white. I'm stopping here because I am creeping myself out, talking to the internet about the wedding of someone I've never met (only admired from a very long interwebbed distance). Weddings are the grandest. Even if 2009 was/is the year of the wedding.

I'll tell the story of the last wedding I went to next time.

The lights are going to go out on Broadway, that's the only explanation.

Just when I thought I had successfully exited the fucking outer limits (or twilight zone), last night puts the icing on the fucking weird cake.

After a highly uncharacteristic late night Wendy's run, I go to meet people at Roadhouse. I was already in a pissy mood due to things that happen when you're not pregnant, the fact that it seemed like I was invited purely by accident (probable), and from the time I got there, it seemed like nobody wanted me there (equally irrational and logical, but a conclusion that was arrived at nonetheless). So I get home at like 2 am, and I'm not tired at all. Maybe I was still hyped up from the night before. So I kind of lay in bed and just watch TV. Jill is in her bed as well and we thought we were both going to call it a night. But then the following vocal dialogue takes place:

Jill: Tell me why Kenny just messaged me
Me: Whaaaat? [runs in Jill's room. Lo and behold, he has sent a message that simply says "Love you"] Let me see what happens when I get on facebook.

a few minutes pass, and then via facebook chat, the following exchange occurs (with chunks eaten by facebook for who knows what reason):

Deleted by facebook, but he opens with "nope". Understandable confusion ensues. It's 3 am. But then...

Ken: I know you're in love with me...but you're in New Mexico now...or some shit...so it's just not in the cars

(I should preface this with the fact that I'm drunk...so don't take me that seriously)

but seriously...you should just accept certain undeniable consequences

3:10am me:okaaaayyyyyy

will do?

3:10am Ken: haha

sorry

I know it's still mid-afternoon where you are, so this probably seems awkward

3:11am me:I'm in kalamzoo

its 3 am and this is just the icing on the weirdest fucking cake

3:12am Ken: oh well...so it's your fault for being up at four thirty

weird cake, though, eh?

3:13am me: lol

yeah

btw where did new mexico come from?

3:14am Ken: I thought you were moving southwest

3:14am me: noooo

3:14am Ken: and figured it was McCain country, for some reason

3:15am me:I helped Theresa move to AZ...

lol

3:15am Ken: haha..thought you were moving there too

3:16am me: nooooope

lol

3:16am Ken: which means I can still convince you to move to Chi-town

!!!

3:16am me:lol

3:16am Ken: done and done

3:16am me: what happend to certian undeniable consequences?

[another brief chunk that facebook doesn't think should exist]

[I assume he apologizes again]

me:its cool

3:29am Ken:(I'll shut up now)

3:29am me: you're fine

shut up only if you want to

3:30am Ken: haha

I

er

I'll keep hitting on you if it's not that creepy

3:31am me: what girl minds getting hit on by the notorious Kenny W?

lol

3:31am Ken: haha

most of them

3:32am me: that's sad

mostly for them

3:32am Ken: :P

that's what I always say

3:32am me:lol

3:34am Ken: still feel like an ass for never...pursuing you

(come on #1)

3:34am me: there's no need to feel like an ass

3:34am Ken: that's what I do, though

3:35am me: feel like an ass for no apparent reason?

3:35am Ken: more or less

3:36am me: we all have our quirks...

3:37am Ken: I'm sorry I missed you last time you were in Chicago

chalk that up to (thankfully now ex) girlfriends

3:37am me:lol

crazy broads?

3:38am Ken: yup

bad mistakes all around

3:39am me: it happens

3:40am Ken: yup

well...I'm gonna go watch Californication

3:41am me: okay

have fun

3:42am Ken: and I promise that I'll hit on you on a later date

you're just too much woman for one poor drunk bastard at the moment

(figuratively...not literally...because that would be a really weird thing to say otherwise)

3:44am me: lol

3:44am Ken: although it's a weird thing already

shit

I'm just going to stop talking now

3:45am me:ok I should probably sleep now anyway

lol

3:46am Ken: hehe

alrighty

I'll hit on you later

er

talk to you later

or both...whatever comes first

3:46am me:lol

3:47am Ken: someday...

3:49am Ken:you will be mine...

3:57am Ken: heh...I'm gonna shut up now

goodnight

3:57am me:lol

you said that once before

lol

night

GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Okay, so I know I would never leave Matt for Kenny (or at the very least 97% sure I wouldn't), but this is one of those unattainable one that got away kinds of things that bugs the fuck out of me. I never had a problem rejecting the other guys because there were no feelings to really speak of. It seems like once i settle down, this always happens. Like either he's seeing someone, or I am, and its just frustrating to play the what if game.

...not that I have any need to. I love Matt, and if he proposed somewhere down the line, I would undoubtedly say yes. But is it so wrong to kind of flip out over a longstanding college crush telling me everything I wanted to hear a year ago?

probably. I mean, its only been ten months since I started dating Matt (14 if you count the last time we dated), vs a fluctuating obsession of 4, 5ish years? That just makes me human right? And not to mention that whole conversation loses some of its weight when he chatted up at least two others in the same time frame (3-4 am).

I'm being weird and making far too much of it.

Sorry my brain vomited.

cramps. black eye (not mine). random people sleeping on my futon. It's like my unofficial welcome back party.

High five: I'm not preggo

fml: I'm fucking up at work already. (missed 2 class visits.)

Um, this is mostly so I don't forget what the fuck went on last night.

Around 8:15, my friend Stephanie calls me to hang out and get adult bevvys. She says she's buying. I have never had a problem with this. I drive to her place and we walk over to Harvey's. We're walking when she gets a call from her friend Brent. She invites him to join us. Brent brings Zack, who has been putting things in Stephanie, and has been slightly toolish. We let him off the hook for personal reasons. Its the four of us boozin, have a few laughs. Me and Brent are really hitting it off. Really hitting it off. Like if i were single and I played my cards a little differently, I could have totally gotten some. Zack and Stephanie take off, but Brent and I continue to bullshit into the night. He offers to walk me home, er, to my car, which I was going to ask him to do anyway. A block and a half to go, if that, we see people sitting on the porch. We talk to them and we are nice. They are nice. They share their beer with Brent. One neglected detail: Brent likes to talk shit. A lot. He thinks its funny when people are mad. I blame the fact that he is 5'5, 5'6 on a good day. The next thing I know, this kid who was passed out on the porch leaps up, and just starts roughing him up a little. No big thing I think he can hold his own, so I wait to see if he needs assistance. When Brent ends up on a car, I go over with one of the other girls to break it up. Its too late, the damage has been done. Brent is bleeding from the head. It looks a lot worse than it really is, but he's having issues remembering what happened five minutes ago. He's definitely not concussed, just drunk. We then proceed to go 1.5 blocks in 1.5 hours. It takes that long to make amends with the porch people, get Brent cleaned up and WALK A BLOCK AND A FUCKING HALF. People keep talking and I just want to go to bed. We get to my car, and I try to take him back to where he's staying (with Zack, I think). Epic fail. He can't remember and neither can I. I'm not interrupting Zack and Stephanie, regardless of what they may or may not be doing. Brent says that everybody's sleeping and he wouldn't be able to get in anyway, so i take his tiny ass home with me. Nothing happens, I just set him up on the futon with water and blankets. I proceed to write Jill a don't freak the fuck out about the boy that magically appeared in our living room note and try to go to bed. its 3:30, maybe 4 at this point. I have to be in to work by 9. At 8:30, I'm ready to go, so I get Brent up. I shepherd him to my car and drop him off at Academy and Westenege. That was my night.

I shit you not.

It's better if you hear me tell it, all Moth Podcast style.

And if this don't work, I'm doing to church....

It's freakout time again, but I'm totally going to blame this on the move and the crash diets.

I have thirty dollars to see me through Roadhouse tonight and whatever else Matt wants when he gets in on friday.

It looks like I won't get paid until saturday because I forgot to do my direct deposit form, and they mail the checks out. It's only a one week check, but I could stay stocked in smokes and tortilla chips and salsa. Fml, kinda.

I miss my cat.

I miss summer.

I miss my boyfriend, even though I see him in three days and I just saw him two weeks ago.

Less than an official week in town, and I'm already bored. The new people at work are cool but weird, and I am not sure if a semester without strangulation can happen.

I still don't work with Clara. Thank God for even the smallest of blessings, I suppose.

Living the dream.
Living the dream!
Living the dream?

Seems to be the theme of today.

Its still cold in here, like I remember.

I should clean my room.

I should do a lot of things.

There is a huge spider on the window.

It's a cold day down here in hell, and its a long way up there to heaven...

but its okay, 'cause we're singing with the angels.

My unofficial Detroit birthday celebration begins this evening. Its mostly drinking and some dancing in a pretty dress.

...and I'm nervous. No idea as to why, but I'm wake up while its still dark out and fruitlessly attempt to sleep some more nervous.

Lord only knows why, but I have an idea.

I think its because I'm paranoid, but really all of this is my own doing. Matt's going to be in town, so of course he's coming out. I invited Heather (his ex that I'm friends with) and her bf too. Its been like 3, maybe 4 years since they've seen each other, and they promised to play nice, but in the back of my head, my low self esteem voice is all loud and obnoxious. She (only a girl could be this irrational and mean, so of course this voice is female) brings up the hypothetical scenario of what if he sees her and falls in love with her all over again? And then let's multiply this feeling of dread by self loathing and overall fatness for cheating on my diet yesterday, and I guess I figured out why I couldn't sleep.

Holy run ons batman.

I also had cramps this morning, and I hope they are PMS cramps and not bleeding from the crotch in the next 48 hours cramps.

but in other news, I have music obsessions. My latest audio loves:

1. "Lovegame" - Lady Gaga
2. "Paparazzi" - Lady Gaga
3. "Carby" - Discovery (f/ Ezra Konig from Vampire Weekend)
4. "If U Seek Amy" - Britney Spears
5. "I Wish I Knew Natalie Portman" - K-OS
6. "Many Moons" - Janelle Monae
7. "You're a jerk" - New Boyz
8. "Its OK, But Just This Once" - Gym Class Heroes
9. "Harder Better Faster Stonger (Neptunes Remix)" - Daft Punk
10. "Make Her Say" (aka "I Poke Her Face") - Kid Cudi, Kanye West, Common
11. "D.O.A. (Death of Auto-tune)" - Jay-Z
12. "Seven Nation Army" - Nostalgia 77
13. "Who's That Girl?"/"Qui Est Cette Fille?" - Robyn/Yelle
14. "Great DJ" (Calvin Harris remix) - The Ting Tings
15. "The Resolution" - Jack's Mannequin

Ask me about the kitchen-1990s link.

Maybe its the lack of food that makes me crazy.