In Which I Am Trying To Plow My Way Through Fargo...

...Rock City, that is. The Chuck Klosterman book. I'm trying to get through it (even though I am not a metal fan, I will wlways be a Klosterman fan), because I told myself that once Frago Rock City's done, I can move on to Eating The Dinosaur. Hopefully this will align with my birthday celebration weekend perfectly.

Speaking of, as an early present to myself, I bought some delicious looking Nine West heels (4.5", the way God wrote it in the fashion bible. ), and a haircut with some color. So far the short red hair has been met with rave reviews. I'm still playing around with it, but I am most excited by the fact that with the right pins and products I could have a funky little fauxhawk.

"The Prayer" by Bloc Party describes my prayers right now.

File under F, for fucking decisions:

So North Coast is in a week and half. Totally pumped like cheap unleaded gas. However, I will need to get there. Here are my options:

1. Drive.

Pros: set my own timetable, stop in Kzoo and visit (especially Preggo Steph who would be due any day by then), get my microdermal put back in.
Cons: I still have to fucking drive five hours, it will be about $80 round trip in gas alone.

2. Train.

Pros: nice and quiet(ish, but we know how my train stories seem to go), lots of space, parking at train station, don't have to drive drive
Cons: expensive, (like $73 last time I checked. May as well drive.)

3. Bus

Pros: cheaper than train (by $20), don't have to drive, no last minute price escalation
Cons: gets cramped (especially on return trips), something stupid almost always happens

4. Hybrid (drive, then bus)

Pros: get to stop in Kzoo, still get microdermal redone, don't have to drive as far
Cons: still on a strictish schedule, just as expensive as drving the whole way, still have to drive a decent amount, parking in Kalamazoo can kiss my ass

And I have a week to decide. Good luck fucker!

In other news, I have applied for a job. In Chicago. With Google. Fingers crossed.

This is going to be expensive. My hair will need doing next week.

Tonight, make me unstoppable.

I need Chicago just as much as Chicago needs me. Why doesn't Chicago understand that?

I need to write more.

In Which I Get Melodramatic

And if you are opposed to that for whatever reason, stop reading.

Right now I'm going to show you the current chink in my armor.

I feel like nobody cares, and I really hope its the hormones making me say that. But that's the way I honestly feel right now. Maybe its the most hardcore case of separation anxiety (that I have never felt in my life, no sarcasm intended), but all I want to do is hurt/endanger myself so someone can prove to me that the world would not be a better place if I dropped off its face (rhymes? This is worse than I thought).

And lately the idea of going out to bars and flirting until I am the subject of an indecent proposal keeps sounding better. I would never ever do anything to jeopardize my relationship. This is 100% about self validation. I want to be reminded of how valuable I am, because that self-love letter keeps getting lost in the mail.

This is sounding more and more like a therapist's worst nightmare.

Every day is sounding more and more like my worst nightmare.

But then a phone call (or skype call can save my life).

In Which I Don't Worry Today

random quips:

me: will wine and 500 Days of Summer end poorly?
Matt:how could it? Can't be worse than vodka and Life is Hot In Cracktown.

I'm laughing because it really happened.

In Which This Should Be Heard With A Phat Beat And Auto-Tune

I am geeked that everyone shut the fuck up for a minute. Went and did some last minute campaigning for my friend Chris who's running for 60th district state representative, and one of the girls that I was with would not shut the hell/fuck (choose whichever expletive you like more) up. It was just all runtogetherandspitatmeinrapidfiresucessionjustlikethis and enough to make me want to kick all five feet of her as far away from me as the seven inches I have on her would allow. I thought it was the lack of ines in my system. I got my two favorite ines in me and I was okay for a minute and then I went to work and had to listen to myself discuss why plagiarism is bad for close to an hour.

And then two of my coworkers got chatty on my ass until the student I was talking to about the joys of proper quote citation told them (us?) to shut the fuck up (my words, not his). And now I can relish this silence and listen to all the episodes of Auto-Tune The News my remaining time allows.

Hide your kids, hide your wife. Hide your husband, they're raping everybody out here.

I'm tired. Between moving and having put enough miles on my mom's PT Cruiser to be in Florida, I think I'm allowed to be.

I'm going to see Matt this weekend though! I am two work days and thirty minutes from getting ready to leave for Chicago. Not a moment too soon, everyone and everything is rubbing me the wrong way. My friends from home, my friends from Kzoo, coworkers, strangers (not in the craigslist casual encounters way)...

Reading feminist theory just ruins all your favorite things in life, like being nice, for example.

I am homelessish and that's okay.