I am here (at work) because my conscience won't let me leave until 3:00. I have accomplished plenty today, but I still feel compelled to sit here and do bupkis.
Life updates:
1. I have been with the same person for two years. It doesn't seem like its been that long. To celebrate, I went to Chicago. We ate, drank, and were merry. Friday, I came into town very late. We ate sub-par grocery store sushi and drank vodka cocktails and watched Scott Pilgrim Vs. The World (part of my anniversary present to Matt). I wasn't even remotely tired until about 5 am (all times local). Saturday was spent indoors, watching more movies and eating chicken nuggets (the dinosaur kind). That evening, I mandated that I get to wear a foxy dress and pearls in public, so we ended up at The Green Mill, a teeny jazz club. Great bands. Matt insisted on champagne. I politely protested. He politely ignored my protests. We got good and tipsy and then went home, where we ate more chicken nuggets. I promptly passed out. Sunday, Scotty was in town so we met up for lunch. That was a fiasco. I don't feel like telling the whole story, but suffice it to say that apparently there are two Borders near a Macy's in downtown Chicago. Lunch was nice, if not a little awkward (I just wanted to play never have I ever). And then I had to go. That part is always a little bittersweet, but I am okay with that, mostly because I didn't cry this time. I love him.
2. I am trying to become more aggressive at work. It's only kind of working. However, in other work-related news, apparently kids love me. The Kindergarteners and SpEds especially. I'm always getting waves and hugs and smiles. fucking adorable. Lately I've been trying to get photos of them to one of my program directors, so that means I stalk them and ask them nicely to stand in the hall and smile. It feels like I'm a paparazzo, without the upsetting questions. "Hey, Sam, is it true that you're a doo doo head and that you don't believe girls have cooties?!"
3. I have no plans for NYE, and that is a terrifying and foreign feeling. It's my favorite holiday. I'm thinking weekend in Chicago, at a really fucking nice hotel. Ugh, I'm such a romantic.
4. Speaking of which, tell me why all I want to do is bake? is it because of the season, or is it because I'm in a happily committed relationship? I don't get it, but I'll still eat it. Tuesday I made a red velvet cake (heavy on the red, light on the velvet), and tomorrow, I'm making a pumpkin cheesecake. the scariest part? I LIKE BAKING. There, I said it.
5. I've whined about it on facebook and twitter, but JESUS ALMIGHTY I NEED A HAIRCUT. And I think some more dye. I crave fire and passion. I crave red. I think in the new year, my next hair adventure is going to entail me sitting on my hands and letting the back part of my hair grow out some and then cutting it all off so I can spike it. (yes, curly girls can spike it)
Maybe next time I'll discuss what it feels like when the typically passive become sexually aggressive. I feel a paper coming on...
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Monday, November 08, 2010
In Which The Chills Keep Coming
Oh, hello.
Let's kick things off with a list.
things I am upset about:
1. the lack of attention the shift key pays to me on the work computer
2. how cold it is in the office
3. how I did on the GRE
4. impending deadlines
5. this cold that I have
6. the meds I am taking for said cold throw in a built in fever reducer. I have have no fever. Put this together with #2, and you get an idea of what kind of icy misery I'm in.
7. the fact that one of my grad programs wants me to take ANOTHER test.
8. how dry my hands are due to the amount of hand washing and sanitizing I do
9. the fact that I am still in search of the perfect finishing touches for Matt's anniversary present.
Yeah, pretty sure stress was how I got sick in the first place. GRE studying, lack of good sleep, blatant encouragement from my organizational superiors to be more proactive with my job, trying to be the perfect girlfriend, trying to be a good friend...I think it all just kind of imploded on me. It left me here, freezing at work with all types of chemical reactions going off. DayQuil + multivitamin + vitamin C infused cough drops + birth control = unheard of focus issues.
I have no idea why my faith in anything is so shaky. One little disaster, and all of a sudden, I am full of self loathing. GRE scores are unofficially abysmal, and must I refer you to the month of weeping known as the aftermath of the fellowship incident? According to some rough figures I looked up, my verbal score was somewhere in the 80th, maybe 81st percentile, and math was in the i'mnotfuckingtellingyouthatemarassing percentile. I have never done so poorly on a standardized test ever. Everybody's really worried, which is nice. I think that the main reason that they worry is that they seem to think I'm really hard on myself, which I'm not. Look at me, look at my life, nothing about it says "I'm too hard on myself". Ok so maybe I am a little hard on myself, seeing as I consider scoring higher than 80% of test takers abysmal. But let's face it, for my personal ambitions, it is.
However, being sick is the best diet I could have asked for. I have to force myself to eat and water does just as well as food most of the time.
I think I worry about my relationship because I don't know how to not worry about it. I loathe my body because I don't know how to not loathe it. When I was 20 lbs thinner, I thought I was fat. when I was 20 lbs thinner than that, I still thought I was fat.
We'll see.
Work beckons, profound insights are....en route.
Let's kick things off with a list.
things I am upset about:
1. the lack of attention the shift key pays to me on the work computer
2. how cold it is in the office
3. how I did on the GRE
4. impending deadlines
5. this cold that I have
6. the meds I am taking for said cold throw in a built in fever reducer. I have have no fever. Put this together with #2, and you get an idea of what kind of icy misery I'm in.
7. the fact that one of my grad programs wants me to take ANOTHER test.
8. how dry my hands are due to the amount of hand washing and sanitizing I do
9. the fact that I am still in search of the perfect finishing touches for Matt's anniversary present.
Yeah, pretty sure stress was how I got sick in the first place. GRE studying, lack of good sleep, blatant encouragement from my organizational superiors to be more proactive with my job, trying to be the perfect girlfriend, trying to be a good friend...I think it all just kind of imploded on me. It left me here, freezing at work with all types of chemical reactions going off. DayQuil + multivitamin + vitamin C infused cough drops + birth control = unheard of focus issues.
I have no idea why my faith in anything is so shaky. One little disaster, and all of a sudden, I am full of self loathing. GRE scores are unofficially abysmal, and must I refer you to the month of weeping known as the aftermath of the fellowship incident? According to some rough figures I looked up, my verbal score was somewhere in the 80th, maybe 81st percentile, and math was in the i'mnotfuckingtellingyouthatemarassing percentile. I have never done so poorly on a standardized test ever. Everybody's really worried, which is nice. I think that the main reason that they worry is that they seem to think I'm really hard on myself, which I'm not. Look at me, look at my life, nothing about it says "I'm too hard on myself". Ok so maybe I am a little hard on myself, seeing as I consider scoring higher than 80% of test takers abysmal. But let's face it, for my personal ambitions, it is.
However, being sick is the best diet I could have asked for. I have to force myself to eat and water does just as well as food most of the time.
I think I worry about my relationship because I don't know how to not worry about it. I loathe my body because I don't know how to not loathe it. When I was 20 lbs thinner, I thought I was fat. when I was 20 lbs thinner than that, I still thought I was fat.
We'll see.
Work beckons, profound insights are....en route.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)