In Which I Channel The Lyrical Beastliness of Childish Gambino and Nicki Minaj...For Cover Letters

I have a few leads on jobs that I might love, or at the very least not shaft me on my version of the American Dream.

leads:

1. Red Frog (event planning intern)
2. Museum of Science and Industry (materials assistant)
3. 1800 Flowers (I shit you not, its a work from home position to boot)

As far as my loathing of life outside the bed goes, I have come to the realization that I enjoy leaving the house, even if it is for just a few hours.

Museum studies will get me job offers of every variety, right?

Since I was scared, or stupid or both, I did not apply for grad school. I'm thinking about certificates. I can get a certificate in museum studies, get a job in a major museum and chain smoke wearing cats eye framed glasses and the tightest pencil skirts money can buy.

My cover letters might become things along the lines of profane declarations of my prowress as a writer and actress.

No those are not requrements of the position.

I have a headache because I didn't take my medicine today.

I've been sent home early from work so many times my original schedule seems like a distant memory.

I have plans for reds and blonds. I can make that look all job friendly, right?

My plans are grander than biscuits.